My new favorite word (about what it takes to write creatively): moodling. I got it from a book about writing - that I bought at a garage sale recently - If You Want to Write - A Book About Art, Independence and Spirit, by Brenda Ueland - Brenda was a published author and teacher of writing who first published this book in 1938. She received an international swimming record for over-80-year-olds and was knighted by the King of Norway. She died at the age of 93 in 1985. She's a new one on my hero/heroine list.
In the words of Fievel: (from Fievel goes West) "Be your own hero". So I am moodling...get the idea? If you are still with me, then that's good. There will be a point to this.
One year later - what have I learned? I have learned to listen more than talk. (and it is not easy for me) I have learned that it's okay to cry every single time you feel like crying. I have learned it is okay to not cry every single time you feel like crying. It is very interesting having your filter off for a few months - I cried, laughed and talked too much. (and I still cry, laugh, and talk more than I used to)
What I got from being injured that badly, is a renewed belief in the human body's healing capacity. One year ago today, my face was bruised, scraped, and I could not type. I couldn't remember anything a second after I said or heard it (short term memory loss). I could not walk without holding onto the wall, bed or railing (vertigo for 6 weeks). I had severe bruises on my pelvis and knee and milder ones on shoulder and hands. And lots of headaches.
I could not do any yoga asanas without falling over.
I could still teach - and my students still came to my classes and
I learned that they love me and so do the teachers I work with in my studio. (thank you - all of you--I love you too)
I learned that there are crystals in your ear that get out of place and when they do, the whole world spins.
I learned that spinning causes intense nausea and that anti-motion sickness medicine is very useful and it slows down the spinning.
I learned that even though I hit my head really hard, that my brain would recover fully and
I got to see a picture of my brain on an MRI - with a brain tour given by the Dr. Noran himself of
Noran Clinic- who, by the way, said I have a beautiful brain and that it is not damaged and I will heal completely. He is the kind of doctor I like - tell it like it is and can be.
I learned that even the head of a corporate medical clinic is human and can even remind one of St. Nicolas.
I am very fond of him, and I told him that!
I learned that a simple maneuver - Epley maneuver - that can be done at home even with your husband helping - can get the spinning to stop immediately. However, it takes a couple of days sitting up all the time to get them to stay there. (you can find out how to do it on the internet!)
I learned that I don't need as much sleep as I think I do and that when you have a head injury the brain needs alot of sleep. I also learned that eating brain food DOES help you brain to heal plus USING IT!
I learned lots of exercises.
What I got out of the whole experience was something that is difficult to put into words. Anyone who has had a brush with death and lived through it will know what I mean. My body is not immortal, but I am. There is a peace about knowing that - no matter what pain you suffer, or circumstance, you, the essence of you, is still the same, unchanged. Yes, here are the words to describe this experience. I became connected to the essence of I am. Sometimes you have to get knocked out of your head to get that. Do yourself a favor though. Meditate - practice meditation. It is really less painful.
To conclude this chapter of my life, this big event, this past year.. It is in the past. There.
Want me to say more (yes? read on then) no? Stop reading!
I want to say more. I want to say that I lived through a trauma. Someone hit my bike, then left. That someone, a school bus driver, probably did not even know he(she) knicked my bicycle. That person was in a hurry. How many times are we in a hurry and don't even know what we are creating or destroying because of that?
All of that experience was a trauma. I also had symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. It was not the first time I had this (PTSD) and recovered. Some people think you cannot recover from that. You may have heard this: If you think you can, you can, if you think you cannot: you cannot. Once again, when I spoke to Dr Noran, a neurologist, about how I was having reactions to seeing school buses and hearing sirens, he said "that's post traumatic stress disorder, it will fade away, you will heal and be fine". Thank you Dr. Noran : ).
Now - I still get growley at school buses, then..I laugh at myself. I still hear sirens and cringe a little, who doesn't? I had to let that go. I live very close to the fire and police stations and bus garage!
I let that go ...and now? I am learning internal martial arts, I am planning to teach yoga teacher training in Costa Rica, I am married to a beautiful, loving and spiritual man. I have a future to live in to that is filled with love, beauty and joy. Namaste