Inspiration after a relaxing warm bath. I sat down to write my thoughts with pen and ink on paper. It is a slower way....
I just now sat down to write my thoughts on healing. When I say what I know about healing, I often hear objections. Sometimes anger from those I speak to, and I remained silent. Until now.
This is my year - to be Self expressed. Now, I have observed; studied; learned;.. suffered;.. grown;... and meditated.
It is all of these things, combined, and with one added ingredient, Listening to the teacher within.
In healing - you "know" where it is you need to go to heal. You don't even have to think about it - you make an appointment, or talk to a friend, or pray.
You already know. There is no right or wrong way for you to go about your healing.
Where the right and wrong comes in, is when the mind starts to exert its control. Your mind wants to control what you are reading and thinking right NOW
That is your minds job. Your mind is not wrong... or right.
NOW...what did you just think?
That thought...is not you. It was your mind thinking. Until you can see this, you may or may not like what you are reading. Your mind will decide "yes, I agree" or "no, she is wrong". Every mind will say that. As I write, my mind is saying alot of things too. That's what it does. I choose to listen or to ignore those thoughts.
In healing, your mind can control or help you in your healing. Your mind might say "I will not recover from this" or "I must have (this disease) . . because I (think, feel, or someone said) I do.
Here is where your choice or free will comes in. What is true for you? You only know what is true for you. I cannot tell you this..., only your own inner teacher, Self, knows. If you are thinking, or "trying to decide", or "confused", just keep practicing...listening.
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Moodling about the One Year Anniversary of my bike accident!
My new favorite word (about what it takes to write creatively): moodling. I got it from a book about writing - that I bought at a garage sale recently - If You Want to Write - A Book About Art, Independence and Spirit, by Brenda Ueland - Brenda was a published author and teacher of writing who first published this book in 1938. She received an international swimming record for over-80-year-olds and was knighted by the King of Norway. She died at the age of 93 in 1985. She's a new one on my hero/heroine list.
In the words of Fievel: (from Fievel goes West) "Be your own hero". So I am moodling...get the idea? If you are still with me, then that's good. There will be a point to this.
One year later - what have I learned? I have learned to listen more than talk. (and it is not easy for me) I have learned that it's okay to cry every single time you feel like crying. I have learned it is okay to not cry every single time you feel like crying. It is very interesting having your filter off for a few months - I cried, laughed and talked too much. (and I still cry, laugh, and talk more than I used to)
What I got from being injured that badly, is a renewed belief in the human body's healing capacity. One year ago today, my face was bruised, scraped, and I could not type. I couldn't remember anything a second after I said or heard it (short term memory loss). I could not walk without holding onto the wall, bed or railing (vertigo for 6 weeks). I had severe bruises on my pelvis and knee and milder ones on shoulder and hands. And lots of headaches.
I could not do any yoga asanas without falling over.
I could still teach - and my students still came to my classes and
I learned that they love me and so do the teachers I work with in my studio. (thank you - all of you--I love you too)
I learned that there are crystals in your ear that get out of place and when they do, the whole world spins.
I learned that spinning causes intense nausea and that anti-motion sickness medicine is very useful and it slows down the spinning.
I learned that even though I hit my head really hard, that my brain would recover fully and
I got to see a picture of my brain on an MRI - with a brain tour given by the Dr. Noran himself of
Noran Clinic- who, by the way, said I have a beautiful brain and that it is not damaged and I will heal completely. He is the kind of doctor I like - tell it like it is and can be.
I learned that even the head of a corporate medical clinic is human and can even remind one of St. Nicolas.
I am very fond of him, and I told him that!
I learned that a simple maneuver - Epley maneuver - that can be done at home even with your husband helping - can get the spinning to stop immediately. However, it takes a couple of days sitting up all the time to get them to stay there. (you can find out how to do it on the internet!)
I learned that I don't need as much sleep as I think I do and that when you have a head injury the brain needs alot of sleep. I also learned that eating brain food DOES help you brain to heal plus USING IT!
I learned lots of exercises.
What I got out of the whole experience was something that is difficult to put into words. Anyone who has had a brush with death and lived through it will know what I mean. My body is not immortal, but I am. There is a peace about knowing that - no matter what pain you suffer, or circumstance, you, the essence of you, is still the same, unchanged. Yes, here are the words to describe this experience. I became connected to the essence of I am. Sometimes you have to get knocked out of your head to get that. Do yourself a favor though. Meditate - practice meditation. It is really less painful.
To conclude this chapter of my life, this big event, this past year.. It is in the past. There.
Want me to say more (yes? read on then) no? Stop reading!
I want to say more. I want to say that I lived through a trauma. Someone hit my bike, then left. That someone, a school bus driver, probably did not even know he(she) knicked my bicycle. That person was in a hurry. How many times are we in a hurry and don't even know what we are creating or destroying because of that?
All of that experience was a trauma. I also had symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. It was not the first time I had this (PTSD) and recovered. Some people think you cannot recover from that. You may have heard this: If you think you can, you can, if you think you cannot: you cannot. Once again, when I spoke to Dr Noran, a neurologist, about how I was having reactions to seeing school buses and hearing sirens, he said "that's post traumatic stress disorder, it will fade away, you will heal and be fine". Thank you Dr. Noran : ).
Now - I still get growley at school buses, then..I laugh at myself. I still hear sirens and cringe a little, who doesn't? I had to let that go. I live very close to the fire and police stations and bus garage!
I let that go ...and now? I am learning internal martial arts, I am planning to teach yoga teacher training in Costa Rica, I am married to a beautiful, loving and spiritual man. I have a future to live in to that is filled with love, beauty and joy. Namaste
In the words of Fievel: (from Fievel goes West) "Be your own hero". So I am moodling...get the idea? If you are still with me, then that's good. There will be a point to this.
One year later - what have I learned? I have learned to listen more than talk. (and it is not easy for me) I have learned that it's okay to cry every single time you feel like crying. I have learned it is okay to not cry every single time you feel like crying. It is very interesting having your filter off for a few months - I cried, laughed and talked too much. (and I still cry, laugh, and talk more than I used to)
What I got from being injured that badly, is a renewed belief in the human body's healing capacity. One year ago today, my face was bruised, scraped, and I could not type. I couldn't remember anything a second after I said or heard it (short term memory loss). I could not walk without holding onto the wall, bed or railing (vertigo for 6 weeks). I had severe bruises on my pelvis and knee and milder ones on shoulder and hands. And lots of headaches.
I could not do any yoga asanas without falling over.
I could still teach - and my students still came to my classes and
I learned that they love me and so do the teachers I work with in my studio. (thank you - all of you--I love you too)
I learned that there are crystals in your ear that get out of place and when they do, the whole world spins.
I learned that spinning causes intense nausea and that anti-motion sickness medicine is very useful and it slows down the spinning.
I learned that even though I hit my head really hard, that my brain would recover fully and
I got to see a picture of my brain on an MRI - with a brain tour given by the Dr. Noran himself of
Noran Clinic- who, by the way, said I have a beautiful brain and that it is not damaged and I will heal completely. He is the kind of doctor I like - tell it like it is and can be.
I learned that even the head of a corporate medical clinic is human and can even remind one of St. Nicolas.
I am very fond of him, and I told him that!
I learned that a simple maneuver - Epley maneuver - that can be done at home even with your husband helping - can get the spinning to stop immediately. However, it takes a couple of days sitting up all the time to get them to stay there. (you can find out how to do it on the internet!)
I learned that I don't need as much sleep as I think I do and that when you have a head injury the brain needs alot of sleep. I also learned that eating brain food DOES help you brain to heal plus USING IT!
I learned lots of exercises.
What I got out of the whole experience was something that is difficult to put into words. Anyone who has had a brush with death and lived through it will know what I mean. My body is not immortal, but I am. There is a peace about knowing that - no matter what pain you suffer, or circumstance, you, the essence of you, is still the same, unchanged. Yes, here are the words to describe this experience. I became connected to the essence of I am. Sometimes you have to get knocked out of your head to get that. Do yourself a favor though. Meditate - practice meditation. It is really less painful.
To conclude this chapter of my life, this big event, this past year.. It is in the past. There.
Want me to say more (yes? read on then) no? Stop reading!
I want to say more. I want to say that I lived through a trauma. Someone hit my bike, then left. That someone, a school bus driver, probably did not even know he(she) knicked my bicycle. That person was in a hurry. How many times are we in a hurry and don't even know what we are creating or destroying because of that?
All of that experience was a trauma. I also had symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. It was not the first time I had this (PTSD) and recovered. Some people think you cannot recover from that. You may have heard this: If you think you can, you can, if you think you cannot: you cannot. Once again, when I spoke to Dr Noran, a neurologist, about how I was having reactions to seeing school buses and hearing sirens, he said "that's post traumatic stress disorder, it will fade away, you will heal and be fine". Thank you Dr. Noran : ).
Now - I still get growley at school buses, then..I laugh at myself. I still hear sirens and cringe a little, who doesn't? I had to let that go. I live very close to the fire and police stations and bus garage!
I let that go ...and now? I am learning internal martial arts, I am planning to teach yoga teacher training in Costa Rica, I am married to a beautiful, loving and spiritual man. I have a future to live in to that is filled with love, beauty and joy. Namaste
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Structures of Support
In yoga classes I have been talking to students about building structures of support. In an asana (pose), we begin with where our body is touching the mat, the ground. In seated pose, or in standing poses. Where our body is touching the mat is where it begins.
We are building from the ground up. Wthout the feet being solidly planted, we cannot stand firmly. When we stand firmly, the rest of the body feels supported. We bring our awareness up and out from that grounding, that support.
This is only one thing yoga teaches us, and it is one of the most powerful practices we can do now. In March 2011 we – all human beings on the earth – were knocked off of our feet. Our planet, the earth, shook us at our foundation. It moved so intensely (even before Japan’s earthquake it had started), that the earthquake and tsunami was felt by us all around the planet.
We were shocked. Those closest have died, aftershocks are continuing, we are feeling it in Minnesota. I see it in my classes and on that mat – this impact. No one was left untouched.
People are experiencing helplessness, confusion, disorientation, shock. . . This is all the first stage of grieving. We want to deny change and fight it. Resisting change is painful, so we try to numb.
As we allow ourselves to experience our pain at the fullest, that experience is like a tidal wave, an emotional, psychic, tsunami.
Those of us who have had a practice of grounding, be it in martial arts, yoga, meditation practice. Or prayer and the practice & discipline of going to church. We have something – someone – many someones our community to turn to. . . Wherever we have been practicing planting our feet or our seat.
When something knocks us off our feet, it is time to wake up, look around – look what happened, start rebuilding – from the ground up. It begins for me at home. I stay home and reflect. Look at my house – it needs cleaning, I clear it. I realize where I have not been connecting in my community. From my home base where I gather my strength and rest, I reach out and say “I love you”.
From my foundation, my structure of support, I go to my job – the yoga studio – and teach others how to build their body foundation. Plant your feet so that you feel powerful. Don’t lean, have your feet be strong and flexible first.
From that foundation, and practice, you can reach out and help those who need it – right next door. Your neighbor, the person you meet. You are not helpless. You can be aware, take care of you, get strong, rooted and grow up from there. Go help, and recognize when your body and mouth needs a rest. There are many human beings. We are all connected. Trust that there is a plan to handle it all without you doing it all.
Whether you are alone, or with others, the most powerful practice you can do is listen. Listen to what you need to be well. Listen to your heart. Listen to your soul’s yearning. In meditation listen. When you are with others: listen. My spiritual guide, Ishwar Puri, gave me a simple way to remember this:
“The Mind always talks and never listens. The Soul always listens and never talks.”
Listen for the whispers of your soul, if you are ignoring that, you cannot listen to others. You will be in the practice of “not listening”
With that I leave you with Thich Nhat Hanh’s “Listening to Give Relief”
"Deep listening, compassionate listening is not listening with the purpose of analyzing or even uncovering what has happened in the past. You listen first of all in order to give the other person relief, a chance to speak out, to feel that someone finally understands him or her. Deep listening is the kind of listening that helps us to keep compassion alive while the other speaks, which may be for half an hour or forty-five minutes. During this time you have in mind only one idea, one desire: to listen in order to give the other person the chance to speak out and suffer less. This is your only purpose. Other things like analyzing, understanding the past, can be a by-product of this work. But first of all listen with compassion." Thich Nhat Hanh
We are building from the ground up. Wthout the feet being solidly planted, we cannot stand firmly. When we stand firmly, the rest of the body feels supported. We bring our awareness up and out from that grounding, that support.
This is only one thing yoga teaches us, and it is one of the most powerful practices we can do now. In March 2011 we – all human beings on the earth – were knocked off of our feet. Our planet, the earth, shook us at our foundation. It moved so intensely (even before Japan’s earthquake it had started), that the earthquake and tsunami was felt by us all around the planet.
We were shocked. Those closest have died, aftershocks are continuing, we are feeling it in Minnesota. I see it in my classes and on that mat – this impact. No one was left untouched.
People are experiencing helplessness, confusion, disorientation, shock. . . This is all the first stage of grieving. We want to deny change and fight it. Resisting change is painful, so we try to numb.
As we allow ourselves to experience our pain at the fullest, that experience is like a tidal wave, an emotional, psychic, tsunami.
Those of us who have had a practice of grounding, be it in martial arts, yoga, meditation practice. Or prayer and the practice & discipline of going to church. We have something – someone – many someones our community to turn to. . . Wherever we have been practicing planting our feet or our seat.
When something knocks us off our feet, it is time to wake up, look around – look what happened, start rebuilding – from the ground up. It begins for me at home. I stay home and reflect. Look at my house – it needs cleaning, I clear it. I realize where I have not been connecting in my community. From my home base where I gather my strength and rest, I reach out and say “I love you”.
From my foundation, my structure of support, I go to my job – the yoga studio – and teach others how to build their body foundation. Plant your feet so that you feel powerful. Don’t lean, have your feet be strong and flexible first.
From that foundation, and practice, you can reach out and help those who need it – right next door. Your neighbor, the person you meet. You are not helpless. You can be aware, take care of you, get strong, rooted and grow up from there. Go help, and recognize when your body and mouth needs a rest. There are many human beings. We are all connected. Trust that there is a plan to handle it all without you doing it all.
Whether you are alone, or with others, the most powerful practice you can do is listen. Listen to what you need to be well. Listen to your heart. Listen to your soul’s yearning. In meditation listen. When you are with others: listen. My spiritual guide, Ishwar Puri, gave me a simple way to remember this:
“The Mind always talks and never listens. The Soul always listens and never talks.”
Listen for the whispers of your soul, if you are ignoring that, you cannot listen to others. You will be in the practice of “not listening”
With that I leave you with Thich Nhat Hanh’s “Listening to Give Relief”
"Deep listening, compassionate listening is not listening with the purpose of analyzing or even uncovering what has happened in the past. You listen first of all in order to give the other person relief, a chance to speak out, to feel that someone finally understands him or her. Deep listening is the kind of listening that helps us to keep compassion alive while the other speaks, which may be for half an hour or forty-five minutes. During this time you have in mind only one idea, one desire: to listen in order to give the other person the chance to speak out and suffer less. This is your only purpose. Other things like analyzing, understanding the past, can be a by-product of this work. But first of all listen with compassion." Thich Nhat Hanh
Monday, January 17, 2011
Motivation: Freedom from Pain
Six months after my bike accident I am dealing with new developments in healing. If you are new to my blog, I was in an accident in May 2010 when trying to avoid a bus. I don't know if the bus actually hit me, although the 911 caller said a bus hit a bicyclist. I was knocked unconscious and suffered a concussion, neck injury and serious bruises. I am doing well considering. My head injury doesn't affect me much anymore, headaches are mostly gone. My typing skills are almost back to normal, although when fatigued I type some words with vowels reversed. I also sometimes have trouble getting the words out when I talk too much - so on long teaching days that shows up too.
The healing process is slowed by my scoliosis as I am also working on improving that with my chiropractor. As my body unwinds and my nervous system repairs I sometimes feel more crooked than I did before the accident, although it is greater nervous system feedback I am experiencing - that's a good thing. My lower back is currently the pain giver.
On Sunday I was practicing yoga and I seem to be getting much of my strength and balance back, but I cannot practice as long and hard as I used to. So I am heading to the gym at Snap Fitness to walk on the treadmill and use the machine that is like an elliptical machine. I put the setting on 12 minutes to warm up on the treadmill, then switch to the elliptical for 12 more minutes. As I watch the timer count down (I set it on the strength training setting), I am experiencing pain in moving. I take it slow so that I can keep my movements symmetrical as possible. This is a challenge with a twisted pelvis (from scoliosis). I think about pain and how I tell my students that they needn't experience pain to make progress in a yoga practice.
I also think about the person next to me - she seems to be working hard & strong. It is not easy for my ego. My ego says I am going too slowly and I don't look so good (and I'm glad they don't know who I am - a yoga teacher!).
I realize that the pain I experience in this work must be experienced because it isn't the pain of over-doing. It is the pain of getting the muscles to obey and re-learn smooth movement. It is also discomfort - my body isn't used to working that hard right now. It is from being out of shape. So I work through it. I keep going, I begin to feel warm, as my muscles warm up I experience more freedom of movement.
I fantasize running a race again. I used to run 5K and 10K races, years ago before I was a regular yoga practitioner. I realize that when you reach a certain level of fitness and are working the body aerobically, the muscles and organs are pumping with oxygenated blood and the brain begins to experience endorphins. That is the pain relief I have been seeking. The flush of healthy muscle, oxygen flowing into the body, sweat.
It is an experience I have when practicing a more vigorous form of yoga: Ashtanga yoga. Yet, I cannot yet practice that form of yoga fully because of my injuries. I want to let everyone know how great it feels to really move the body. I want to let everyone know that there is a point beyond the initial pain of starting to move like this - that you will experience a sense of euphoria - after you have worked through the "I don't want to move" part.
I realize that we are all seeking freedom from pain. Exercise can go a long way toward freedom from physical and emotional pain - and this is a real way to achieve that - with no pain killers or anti-depression drugs. Rest doesn't work all by itself. Yoga isn't the cure-all. I wish it was - it would be easier for me. But healing isn't easy. It's simple, not easy.
The healing process is slowed by my scoliosis as I am also working on improving that with my chiropractor. As my body unwinds and my nervous system repairs I sometimes feel more crooked than I did before the accident, although it is greater nervous system feedback I am experiencing - that's a good thing. My lower back is currently the pain giver.
On Sunday I was practicing yoga and I seem to be getting much of my strength and balance back, but I cannot practice as long and hard as I used to. So I am heading to the gym at Snap Fitness to walk on the treadmill and use the machine that is like an elliptical machine. I put the setting on 12 minutes to warm up on the treadmill, then switch to the elliptical for 12 more minutes. As I watch the timer count down (I set it on the strength training setting), I am experiencing pain in moving. I take it slow so that I can keep my movements symmetrical as possible. This is a challenge with a twisted pelvis (from scoliosis). I think about pain and how I tell my students that they needn't experience pain to make progress in a yoga practice.
I also think about the person next to me - she seems to be working hard & strong. It is not easy for my ego. My ego says I am going too slowly and I don't look so good (and I'm glad they don't know who I am - a yoga teacher!).
I realize that the pain I experience in this work must be experienced because it isn't the pain of over-doing. It is the pain of getting the muscles to obey and re-learn smooth movement. It is also discomfort - my body isn't used to working that hard right now. It is from being out of shape. So I work through it. I keep going, I begin to feel warm, as my muscles warm up I experience more freedom of movement.
I fantasize running a race again. I used to run 5K and 10K races, years ago before I was a regular yoga practitioner. I realize that when you reach a certain level of fitness and are working the body aerobically, the muscles and organs are pumping with oxygenated blood and the brain begins to experience endorphins. That is the pain relief I have been seeking. The flush of healthy muscle, oxygen flowing into the body, sweat.
It is an experience I have when practicing a more vigorous form of yoga: Ashtanga yoga. Yet, I cannot yet practice that form of yoga fully because of my injuries. I want to let everyone know how great it feels to really move the body. I want to let everyone know that there is a point beyond the initial pain of starting to move like this - that you will experience a sense of euphoria - after you have worked through the "I don't want to move" part.
I realize that we are all seeking freedom from pain. Exercise can go a long way toward freedom from physical and emotional pain - and this is a real way to achieve that - with no pain killers or anti-depression drugs. Rest doesn't work all by itself. Yoga isn't the cure-all. I wish it was - it would be easier for me. But healing isn't easy. It's simple, not easy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)